We headed up to Logan the Friday after Grandma passed away. We spent the night with Anton and Liz in Salt Lake and drove to Logan the next morning for the funeral. The viewing was a little surreal for me. I felt like I had luckily already said my goodbyes to grandma so it just felt weird seeing her there again. I have to say, she looked beautiful. She looked as elegant and wonderful as she did when she was alive. It was actually nice to see her again even though her spirit was no longer with her body. Grandpa was sitting by her side and seemed tired and overwhelmed. We passed through the line and visited with some family we hadn't seen for a while. The service started at noon and definitely went longer then Grandma would have liked! I think from start to finish it was a little over 1 1/2 hours. Honestly it was a little frustrating because it wasn't like as Grandma planned. Some people in the program seemed to sort of just say the things they wanted instead of what Grandma had planned for them to do. I started off with the eulogy which was already written by Grandpa and Grandma years earlier. It was special to be able to read about her life and all that she accomplished. I even learned some things I didn't know. I worried about getting through without being a sobbing mess. I could tell my voice was shaky with emotion and my emotions got the best of me a few times, but I managed to get through fairly well. I felt honored that she wanted me to start the service with the eulogy. She has always said that I am like a daughter to her and honestly she has been like another mother to me as well. I fell so blessed to have had such a close relationship with my Grandma. I know a lot of people don't have that opportunity.
After the graveside service it felt a little strange leaving Grandma at the cemetery. Knowing that's where she would stay. It felt so final at that point. I thought about how now Grandma would only be in my dreams, thoughts, memories, and photos. Life can sure be hard sometimes.
After the funeral and the graveside service we went to Chuck a rama to have a late lunch. It had been a long day and the kids didn't last long after they ate, so we headed back to Anton and Liz's house.
I love and I hate going though pictures of Grandma over the last few years. I love seeing her again thorough the pictures but they sure bring back a lot of memories and emotion that can sometimes be hard.
Here are some of my favorites. Each one is a story and a memory that is special in some way.
Every Sunday after dinner Grandpa and Grandma would go sit around the piano and listen to my kids play.
After visiting the kids were so excited to help Grandma and Grandpa out to the car.
Birthday parties will be a lot different without her.
Loved going with Grandma to get her first pedicure.
One of the days we still talk about frequently is when Grandma came to the park with Prentice, Cardon,, and I and got right in on the fun. After she fe the ducks, she played on the bridge at the park and went down the slide. She was so happy and full of life. It was such a fun day.
I am so grateful to come from such a truly amazing person. She taught me about unconditional love. She taught me about honesty and hard work. She taught me to live within my means and not focus on material things. She taught me to be independent and self sufficient. She taught me the importance of an education. She always believed in my abilities and my potential. She encouraged me though words and example to pursue my education and become an elementary school teacher. She lifted me up on the days when I didn't feel like the best mother. She was kind and giving to me, as well as my children. She taught me to think about others and serve in as many capacities as I can. She taught me about the importance and joy of family.
I will miss her example, her advice, seeing her face and spending time with her. I will miss her telling me I cook the best food no matter what it was. I will miss the excitement on her face and the face of my kids when she gave them a sucker each time we visited and a dollar for accomplishments or talents. I will miss her smile and her happiness at the simple things in life. I will miss having her watch us play at the pool and having her come outside to see us whenever she heard voices. I will miss seeing her in her favorite brown chair. I will miss having her participate in our family traditions and having her over for Sunday dinner. I will miss seeing her sweet interactions with Grandpa. I will miss her admiring my shoes and my outfits and telling me how nice I look. I will miss her telling me how perfect my imperfect children are. I will mostly miss just being in her presence and having her be a part of life. I guess one thing this has taught me is even when it is "time" for a person to go, it is still not easy for the ones still here.
I have gone to her house many times since she passed and I can smell her face cream in the bathroom. I almost expect to see her excited face when we walk through the door for a visit. I go into her closet and see her favorite shoes she wore so much and her favorite blouse she wore for her best occasions. I go to her bedroom and it feels so lonely without her in it, sitting by the window reading, or watching what is going on outside. It's been hard talking about Grandpa without adding Grandma to the same sentence. Our Sunday dinners feel strange and different without her there. Time has already healed some of the pain and I'm sure time will continue to ease some of the emotion but for good and for bad there are a lot of reminders of sweet Grandma Tacy all around me. I look forward to seeing her again some day and hope that she can watch over our family and guide us until we see her again. Love you Grandma Tacy!
